It’s been a rough couple of weeks for us as a family – mental health wise, I slipped so many gears I’m worried I stripped some ‘teeth’ in there. And even though I was hopeful, because I was late, the two week wait this time has ended in disappointment. The book has stalled too. I wish it was better news all round, but it’s just hard to keep my chin up when so many things are just missing lining up.
We’re not giving in, and we have another three months before we can go ask our doctor to start helping, and in those three months, I think I need to just kinda take a break from…everything. Which really sucks for my fledgling blogs, but this was something that was built into my writing contract, so it’s not so bad in that regard.
I’m sure that part of the end journey in all of this will talk a bit about the therapy I’m doing – they’re pretty certain that having CPTSD is getting in my way to processing through everything, but I’m equally sure that there’s a lot I need to do, and that having another child – for us, and no doubt others like us, the same place as us – is the mental health aspect of it all is just as important as my weight, my physical ability to carry a child and everything that falls on me, as well as the bits that come from the other half.
Hopefully, in the coming weeks and months, there will be more positive updates coming out of everything, but for now, I’m pretty sure that it’s going to be too hard to maintain the smiling, happy face. I’ve got two months of my other lives to touch into, and pull from (Games Expo, next weekend, and Steelcon in a month and a bit – if you are at either, and want to find me, look for the little redhead with a red and purple almost waist length braid, in geeky tees and jeans or shorts (depending on how hot it is!) ), which always leaves me a bit less uneasy, and it’s traditionally my #Kaiatus around now, plus, I think it’s hitting me a bit harder than it should because my youngest daughter is 18 at the end of this week. I guess it’s the perfect storm of just missing those odds. Until we get there, I just need to keep trying.
I am thinking – really hard – about how to handle this sort of let down, but it’s a bit close for now, and so, I’ll just leave you with the no progress update, and I’ll be back in a few weeks.